Welcome to My Closet of Stilettos

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Today is the last day that we walk a mile in my shoes. When I started this journey of weight-loss and inspiration I was ready to take on the world wearing a kick ass pair of heels. Many of you read my blogs from week-to-week hearing about my struggles, life challenges, hopes, dreams, fears and goals. Each blog I would select a shoe that inspired me and paired it with my theme of the week. Since this is the last blog entry that I will write, I open my closet doors for you to select which pair you want to wear.

Weight Watchers was the platform of my weight-loss journey. I have had great success with this program losing the size of a small child ~ 70 pounds. I felt empowered, determined, successful, healthy, energetic, and just overall happy with myself. Over the summer I struggled with my loyalty towards the program. After documenting and figuring out the point value for everything that I ate for one year and three months, I hit a major plateau and quite WW. I’m sure you’re thinking the same thing I did ~ what the hell is she thinking!?!?!?! Yes, I know I am crazy!

Before you judge me, you have to hear me out. I love everything that the program stands for: inspiration, positive thinking, planning, healthy coaching, accountability, team work, e-tools, portion control, promoting a healthy lifestyle – not just a quick fix. I can go on all day long about how beneficial it is to be a part of the WW team, and I would be lying if I said that I didn’t miss the meetings and my leader like crazy! However, in order to be on the Weight Watchers road to success you must follow the plan and that is where I lack.  Hi, my name is Kristina and I am a food-a-holic and a failure at the Weight Watchers program…three times over.

Since I have broken up with Weight Watchers I have gained a lot of my weight back. My clothes are tight, my thighs are ginormous and I when I look in the mirror I see the girl that I never wanted to be again. I guess history does repeat itself and we are very much creatures of habit because I went through this same cycle in 2007 and 2009. I join, I lose a ton of weight, I feel good and beautiful, I get scared or something happens in my life and I emotional eat causing me to quite the program. Or I plateau and just can’t follow the plan anymore thus causing me to quite. I can literally sit here and point out all of my faults and share them with you openly because I choose to not be in denial. I choose to share my story with you in hopes of helping others realize their own struggles with losing weight.

So, this is what I have learned in the past seven months of being off of the program. I love all of the food that is horrible for me. I indulge when I am feeling down or stressed about something. I still use food as a crutch when making tough decisions. I eat when I’m happy. I love making brownies just to eat the middle. I love making cupcakes because they are so darn adorable, and then I have to eat some because I don’t want them to go to waste. Greasy food is the cure all for man troubles or when it’s cold outside. And caramel is literally my best friend ever! So yeah, as you can see I can justify what I eat very easily. So as my clothes are getting tighter and the god-awful numbers on the scale are increasing, I ask myself ~ is this really the road that you want to travel down? Is all of this excessive eating really worth it?  The answer is ABSOLUTELY NOT!

Indulging in anything, especially food is just selfish. Food is not meant to make us happy as I have said in previous blogs. It is not intended to make us feel good about ourselves. It is not supposed to wash away all of our worries or be used as a reward when we do something good. Food is meant to nourish us and to give us strength when we’re feeling weak. It is meant to get us through our work days as a source of energy. So why can’t we seem to eat healthy? Why did I throw all of the healthy tools that I learned at my WW meetings right out the window and resort back to my old ways?  Because sometimes it’s just easy to fall back into our comfort zone.

I am never happier than when I am losing weight and inspiring others to do the same. I can sit here and eat all of the yummy foods that I want, but that is not going to make me as happy as when I am eating granola bars and Lean Cuisines. This is why I have decided to give my weight-loss experience a make-over. I want something fresh, innovative and interactive. I want to use all of the tools that I learned at WW and parlay them into my own plan of portion control, healthier options and Zumba. I close the doors to my closet of shoes with this blog as I open the doors to something more amazing and fabulous: my own Facebook page.

This page will be my WW meetings where I can connect with people who go through the same day-to-day challenges and can relate to me. I wanted to evoke what it is to be girl that is leaving her twenties behind and making a statement as she transforms into a woman turning thirty. I will still announce my weight-loss, struggles and successes with food and the scale, as well as posting inspiring quotes, before & after stories from my friends and their weight-loss journey, healthy eating tips and just anything else that I can that helps to improve the well-being of my life and others. My simple disclaimer for this Facebook page is that I am not a doctor, a physical trainer, a Weight Watchers counselor, or a nutritionist. I am just a pretty young thing that is set out to change my life and inspire others through this empowering journey. Stilettos will still be a huge part of my page as they are the symbol of a woman on a mission.

I leave you with this quote from the shoe king himself, Carrie Bradshaw’s favorite shoe designer ~ “You put high heels on and you change.” Manolo Blahnik

If you are interested in joining my Facebook page to gain inspiration or follow my journey add me:  https://www.facebook.com/?sk=welcome#!/krysty.marie.92     Please share any advice that you have, success stories, challenges & remember it is a place for weight-loss inspiration & nothing else!

My closet of shoes is now open. Thanks for all of the outstanding support that my friends, family and complete strangers have given me by reading my blog. I hope you all follow me as I evolve into my own weight-loss coach and transition into my own plan of healthy eating and exercise.  I am so excited!

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Maddy Red Peek-A-Boo Pump By Scene

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Today we walk in these “showstopping” red pumps by Scene because today the show must go on as I canceled my membership with Weight Watchers.

For the past year and three months I have been a part of the WW family.  I have listened to others share their struggles with weight-loss and food.  I have listened to some fantastic suggestions, amazing recipes, and positive feedback from the members and from my leader, Lyn.  I have lost a total of 70 pounds in my time with Weight Watchers.  It truly has been a fantastic first half of my journey to self-improvement.  

With that said, I still feel that WW is the best weight-loss program out there! The leaders are so amazing and all they do is set you up for success with losing weight.  I still plan to inspire others to join as it is a fantastic way to achieve your goal.  However, at this point in time it stopped working for me.  I have struggled with the program and tracking my points for the past few months now.  I thought it was because I went down South on vacation and came back completely unmotivated, but that wasn’t it.  Tracking my points became a tedious measure that I just couldn’t do anymore.  I mean come on, I’ve tracked EVERYTHING I have ate for the past year and three months!  I know people who have been on the plan for years and I commend them with a metal of honor! They are the true success stories of WW.  I too wanted to be a success story for WW, but at the end of the day, that’s not what matters.  I can still inspire others outside of the program and that is something that I plan to do. I want to set up a facebook page solely dedicated to the daily struggles of eating, emotional eating, or just for people who need inspiration or someone to talk to.  I have to find what is going to work for me on this second half of my weight-loss journey.  I need to find a way to integrate everything that I have learned and find my own way.  

It was bittersweet canceling my membership this morning, but it’s the start of something new and fabulous!  My goals are still the same.  It’s just going to take twice as much dedication and motivation to achieve them, but I like a challenge.  At the beginning of August I will continue to post my results as my plan should be in full effect.  Thank you again to those who still follow my journey!

“Believe in yourself & you can achieve absolutely anything!”  ~ Me

Time to take off these hot Maddy pumps by Scene and put them back into my closet!

Paris Hilton’s Royal Purple Chiffon

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Today we walk in this fabulous chiffon heels because it is HOT outside & chiffon is just the fabric for a steamy, summer night. 

They always tell aspiring writers to write what you know via Mark Twain’s words of wisdom. It makes sense right? You wouldn’t want a fashion marketing major such as myself to give you instructions on how to deliver a baby or how to rotate your tires. So I will stick to the facts of MY life that I do know…

I know that I love and hate my twenties with the same bitter sweetness as taking a generous bite of lemon-meringue pie. I went to college where I had some of the best times of my life with amazing people that shared the same love for fashion and high heels with. I helped produce a fashion show that was held in the Moore Theater in Seattle for 1,500 guests. I got to spend time with the savvy fashion designers helping them put together their lavish costumes and work along side some pretty amazing and talented people. I learned from the best mentors and also learned a lot about myself. My twenties have been filled with fantastic friendships and memories as they draw to an end. I think the most bitter part of my twenties has been getting to know myself and what I want. As I see EVERYONE around me getting married and having babies, I feel nothing but genuine happiness for all of them. I don’t feel sad, or envious, or jealous that I haven’t had a grand wedding yet or 2.5 kids with a white picket fence and a dog. How can I feel resentment towards all of those that I love and care about when they have achieved a true level of happiness? I can’t. But i have always marched to the beat of my own drum. I have always been a “late bloomer,” if you will. I have never wanted to do things because everyone else was doing it, or it was cool. I’ve always felt secure enough in my own skin to just let life happen. I can’t write about what life would be like had I gotten married and had kids by now because I don’t know. We can play the “what if” games all we want with our lives, but we never truly know what would have happened. All I can write about is what I know…

I know that throughout this self-improving journey there are many things about myself that I want to change, not just my weight. I have always had a plan in life. Up until my final days of college, I saw all of my plans through. It was easy, you went to school, learned, passed the tests and graduated. Then came life! Having to actually apply what you learned, compete with people who are far more experienced and talented as you are, learning how to take rejection from future employers, and the list goes on…After the point of graduating high school I didn’t have a solid working plan. I had a lot of plans that never happened because I didn’t follow through. To understand my mindset, you would have to be an extremely creative person. To understand what it is like to try to maintain focus on one project and to see that project through fully, you would have to be inside of my head. Some people see me as flighty or fickle, but I just see things different. I see purple skies, wildflowers in meadows of all different shades and textures, I see diamond rings in the night sky and high heels in my dreams ALL the time. So I guess one can’t truly pass judgement onto someone else unless they truly understood why they see things the way that they do or walk a day in their stilettos. There are so many things that I love to do and am passionate about that it truly is a struggle to harness that and to just pick one thing. I don’t want to come across as fickle. I want to learn how to focus my creative talents and utilize them to the highest level I can. I want people that I admire to take me seriously. When I graduated I had absolutely no idea what I wanted to do with my degree. I was a lost little Yorkshire Terrier with a pink satin bow in the large city of Seattle just trying to find my way home. So here’s what I do know: I am so VERY passionate about writing.

I guess I should have caught onto this at a younger age because I always found myself jotting down notes that came to mind from my insane imagination. I would sit in my room when I was ten and write on this old beat up computer that I had. I would write for hours about who knows what, but I was writing my heart out. I would write in journals throughout the years about how I felt or just what I did that day. From there it has slowly become my number one passion in life, maybe even more so than SHOES! Right, I did just say that! I guess it only took me twenty-nine years to figure out what my absolute love is, some might say that I am ahead of the game considering a lot of people never truly identify their absolute passion. Now the trick is to turn that passion into a paycheck! And that is what I am working on as we speak. 

Write what you know. My cousin Jessie a few years back told me that she was writing a book. She was very elaborate when explaining her outline and characters. There were two things that popped into my mind as she was explaining this to me: 1) “Wow this sounds like a kick-ass story line” & 2) “Oh hell no, now I need to write a book too!” We have always shared the same competitive spirit and this is what drove me to write a novel. I haven’t told too many people about it because I don’t know if it will ever get published or not, but I wrote  about parts of my youth and implemented it into a story that even charmed me. I am educating myself about how to reach an agent and the publishing phases (which are almost as intense as starting your own business!) FYI on the wine charms, still love them, but really want to focus on my writing so its still in the “hobby stages” right now. 

I don’t know how people lose hundreds of pounds as I am struggling to hit 100 pounds lost. Yes I did use the word “struggle.” I thought my momentum was back for Weight Watchers I had a few really powerful days where I tracked everything that I ate and it was fabulous. But then the motivation took me on a roller coaster ride. Ups and downs and all arounds. So here is what I do know…I know that I want to hit my goal weight. I know that I want to shed this darn weight and continue to inspire others. I know that I don’t want to give up and go back to the old me, because frankly I have no fat clothes to go back to I gave them all away! I know that there is absolutely no turning back. So what’s a girl to do? Find something that is going to work for me in the second half of my weight-loss journey. Weight Watchers works a million times over there is living proof of that all over the world. I am living proof. But sometimes you just hit that level where you need a new challenge. So with all of the knowledge that I have in my crazy-flighty-creative mind I have come up with a food plan of my own. I am in the beta-testing stages right now and I am still going to attend WW meetings, but I am going to try out my new plan and see how it works for ME. I have a little more flexibility and I don’t have to track everything that I eat, but there is more work-out involved to make up for that fact. I am still watching every food decision that I make and it’s still the exact same food that I am eating while doing WW, but I just don’t have to track, which has been my biggest struggle lately. I will keep you posted on how my tailored plan works. I don’t have any feedback to share about my weight because frankly I haven’t weighed-in in a couple of weeks. But hopefully I will have a number to share with you in the next blog. 

I know that I want my life to start and I genuinely want to be happy. I know that someday I do want to meet the man of my dreams and marry him and maybe have some babies, that’s still debatable. I know that I want to be a writer and make a living off of something that is so amazing to me that it feeds my soul every time I practice it. I know that God has a plan and a path for me and I feel that He is drawing me closer to executing it. I know that I may lack focus where others flourish, but when I zone in and put my mind to something I excel above and beyond. I know that my perseverance is one that can’t be matched by anyone else. I know that I am so close to having everything I have ever wanted, I just have to be a little more patient because without that hope and faith, we are zombies walking along a dark and lonely road.

The first quote that I read I loved. “The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination.” ~ Albert Einstein

I want to say thank you for reading my 30th blog! As I share my intimate thoughts and moments that I have experienced I do it with great hope that I can inspire anyone who reads my words. I don’t just want to inspire weight-loss, but just overall improvement. I want to sprinkle some positive words on everyone who reads my blog. I’ve had people ask if they could pass my blog along to their friends and/or family and I absolutely welcome that! So no need to ask please share with anyone you may know that needs some inspiring 🙂

Time to take off Ms. Hilton’s shoes and put them back into my closet. It’s too hot to wear shoes anyways, let’s just go barefoot seriously!

 

What’s A Girl To Do When There Are So Many Decisions?

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Today we walk barefooted as we sit in my closet of shoes trying to pick the perfect pair for my twenty-ninth blog entry (which happens to be my age as well).

For the past six weeks I have struggled heavily with my weight-loss journey. I gained nearly 10 pounds and my super cute clothes that I bought last month for my southern adventure where becoming too tight! I found myself eating at my favorite time of night – the stroke of midnight, and found that those foods that I was shoveling into my mouth were not Weight Watchers appropriate. So you ask – what happened? Why did this girl who has worked so hard the past year and two months suddenly take a dive into the sea of indulgence? My answer is this…I chose the wrong pair of shoes out of my closet.

Instead of walking a day in a pair of Christian Louboutin red-back heels that scream confidence, drive, perseverance, and just a bad-ass chick, I chose to walk in the easy, comfy plaid ballet flats that contradicted every outfit I wore. I didn’t want to track my points, or plan my meals out. I wanted to eat away my fears of decision-making. Wearing those flats enabled me to comfortably make many trips to the kitchen late at night. I would tell myself “Oh just one more ice cream bar and then I’ll brush my teeth and get ready for bed.”  Or “Wow a PB&J sounds so good right now. But then I need something crunchy to go along with that. Maybe I’ll add some crackers too.” And again this is late at night when I have no business eating that much food right before bed. I find once you put that pair of shoes on it’s incredibly hard to take them off because they feel so good on your feet. Walking a mile in padded, comfy flats, or in five-inch Italian leather stilettos…hmmm?

What I have learned from this experience is that taking the easy road only leads you to sticker bushes and a rough terrain ahead. If you spend the time and energy to pave the road yourself and clear the path one stick at a time the end result is much greater than you could ever imagine.

With losing weight comes more attention from guys, higher confidence in your appearance, the ability to shop at more stores because you can actually fit into their clothes, and just an  all around self-esteem booster. All of those traits do apply, but most importantly it’s one of the most humbling experiences one could ever hope for. Instead of staring in the mirror incessantly, to actually stop and listen when people tell you that you’ve helped change their life. To have friends & family members share their success stories and to hear that you were one of the inspired ingredients to their weight-loss is truly remarkable.

Before I wrote this blog I was reading some of the success stories on Weight Watchers to gain a little inspiration of my own. To open up with your friends and family about your struggles with food and emotional eating is hard enough, but to open up to complete strangers and to allow them in your life with such intimate details is honestly terrifying at times. It is a vulnerability that can never be hidden again once people read it. But in order to impact lives with my story I have to share private details of success as well as my failure. I got to read those success stories and visualize what it will be like when my own story is completed. That is the moment where I can finally disclose the un-Godly weight that I started at in April 2011. I can finally reveal my magical goal-weight number & celebrate each and every pound that lead me down this humbling road to inspire. At that moment I can finally be free of all burdens that have prevented me from achieving the things that I have wanted to, but couldn’t because of my weight. I will no longer have to worry if a guy will reject me because I’m too fat, or worry if my hips are too big for the roller coaster ride. To have approximately 155 pounds shed off of my body (which is literally the size of another person) will be worth the blisters I get from walking in stilettos instead of complacent flats.

I lost 4.2 pounds this week putting me at 65.6 pounds lost. I have another 4.4 pounds to lose before I hit my 70 pounds mark for the second time! Then I can continue on and FINALLY hit my 75 pound milestone. If you can inspire one person this week to make a positive change for themselves regardless of what it is, I urge you to do that. You never know just how much people listen and value your words. “The man (or woman) who removes a mountain begins by carrying away small stones.” ~ William Faulkner

So which pair of shoes will you decide to walk in today?

Christian Louboutin Royal Purple Satin Tie Backs

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Today we walk in these one-of-a-kind heels because it was love at first sight when I laid eyes on them & I just love Louboutin’s red soles.

So this was an emergency blog as I hadn’t planned on writing one until this coming Tuesday when I weighed-in. So here’s the deal, I am having the most difficult time attending my Weight Watcher meetings and staying true to the plan. I know this may come as a surprise since I am a walking WW advertisement & I genuinely believe in the plan with my whole heart & soul, but I think I’ve hit a wall. My passion for losing weight is still there, but my motivation is lacking with this particular weight-loss plan.

Since my return from the south & all of its fine food (and moonshine!) I have had a difficult time re-adjusting to my routine here in rainy Washington. I didn’t know that such a fun adventure to the south could throw my life off kilter, but it has. I have found myself at a crossroads with a lot of decisions ahead in different aspects of my life. Although change can be rewarding and exciting, I still find that it scares me. Weight Watchers has been a strong crutch in my life for the past year and walking away from it seems impulsive and insane! However, I am only in the middle of my weight-loss journey and I need to find what is going to work for ME.

This is what I am looking for in the second half of my weight-loss journey: A place where I can get together with people that I really connect with and talk about our struggles pertaining to food, emotional eating, issues in our lives that are negative and maybe need to change. Somewhere we can go for a walk and actually get some exercise instead of sitting in a room for a half an hour while its sunny outside. Somewhere we can share recipes and give each other feedback. An eating plan that I can formulate on my own that works for me. Again I want to reiterate that I truly do love Weight Watchers and all that it has done for me and I would recommend it to anyone who is looking to change their life. I am just simply trying to tackle more of the emotional eating side of my psychological food issues & find support with other people who have the same problem. I guess you could say that I want to follow the core principles from Weight Watchers, but I want to tailor it to suit my needs.

I’m going to give WW another month to make sure that I still feel the same way & if I do then I am starting my own weight-loss plan! Yes, you might think I’m overambitious, crazy, silly, impulsive, or all of the above, but that’s okay! Sometimes you just have to say “the hell with it” and follow your gut! And speaking of gut mine is growing I am sure! My clothes are feeling tight again & I am afraid to see the scale!

Sometimes it takes great courage to change course and try something new. I found this quote on accident but I think it’s perfect! “Feelings and emotions are unstable. And should never be the reason for your decisions and choices that you make. It cannot be trusted and should never be the grounds which you base your moral integrity on. If you allow your feelings and emotions to dictate your life, they will always mislead and be the master of you. Instead trust your intuition, that little bell we so often ignore. Learn how to tap into it. It’s the silver lining behind the dark fog and clouds that our feelings and emotions presents.” ~ Geraldine Vermaak

Time to take off one of my favorite pair of heels and return them to my closet. Thank you for reading my blog & walking a day in my stilettos…

 

Shaunell Robinson Black Spiky Plat

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I do apologize as yet again I have slacked on writing my blogs each week, so I hope you forgive me as I explain why that is! For the last week I have been discovering parts of my soul in the deep south…Alabama/Georgia to be exact. I chose this shoe by local Atlanta shoe designer Shaunell Robinson to help represent local designers from the area that stole my heart.

I know I talk a lot about the weight-loss side of my self-improving journey, but there is so much more to it than that. When you feel so lost and broken inside that you can’t even recognize your own reflection in the mirror, you know that life has to be better than that. I knew that I wanted more than a broken soul I just had to find my way and that is what I have been trying to do. I have fought my inner demons one step at a time trying to become whole again. But here’s the thing…I have spent so much time focused on putting my 10,000 piece puzzle together, that I haven’t taken much time out for myself to enjoy life. I haven’t traveled anywhere exciting for over ten years, instead I have stayed in this general area with mini trips to Seattle or Oregon and a few places in between.

When my cousin asked me to be in her wedding, I was reluctant. I hadn’t traveled in so long, I knew it would be expensive and time consuming, but I couldn’t say no. She is after all more like a sister to me than a cousin and I knew that it was my turn to make a trip down to see her. Little did I know that I would get much more than just a fun adventure…I found a missing piece to my soul down south.

As I have discussed in previous blog entries, I have been so afraid of life in general. Afraid of getting in trouble, afraid of taking chances, afraid to be happy. I was terrified of my trip down south. I was mortified that I had to fly on a plane, learn the Gangnam Style dance and perform it in front of a bunch of strangers at the wedding, and many other stresses that plagued my mind. But when it came down to it, I pushed those fears aside and I freed myself.

I flew down to Atlanta Georgia and experienced some pretty amazing moments. I drank moonshine for the first time while playing drinking games until midnight. I got to play with my little cousins and experience their innocence and remember what it was like to be their age and not have a care in the world. I got to stay up late with my cousin and brother and reminisce about the good times we had growing up. I got to play Monopoly with them as we did when we were little, and even beat them one game. I got to meet my cousin’s fiance (now husband) and see how happy he makes her every time he enters the room. I got to party it up at some hot clubs on the Boulevard in Columbus, Georgia. I spent time around some very awesome people that I look forward to seeing again, and some very  well mannered southern folk. I was lucky enough to visit some vintage plantations that stunned me with their beauty and charm. I was able to stand at the alter and see my beautiful cousin marry the love of her life and hope that someday I can replicate that genuine happiness. I got to spend time with my brother and really connect with him on a different level than I have before. When I was saying good-bye to him (because he is staying down there for a couple of years) I got emotional at our departure. And last but certainly not least, I got to spend time with my best friend Jared. He has been a constant in my life for nearly six years now, and I hope that someday soon we can take our relationship to the next level. I’ll save the details on that for another blog 🙂

I missed my life up here in Washington, but when I boarded the plane to go home, I felt like a piece of my heart broke off and stayed behind in Atlanta. Life down there was so different from what it is up here. The people are so sweet and very friendly. Everything down there is a slower pace and more relaxed than up here. I guess that’s why they call it “Southern Charm.” I was definitely charmed by the south in many ways.

I feel like I’m at the point in my life where I need to follow my heart even if it leads me to a far away land. I haven’t made any definitive decisions yet, but don’t be surprised if I buy a one way ticket to southern comfort. Of course if this happens, I will still continue on my WW journey as well as writing this blog.

Speaking of WW, I had the dreaded weigh-in today after my vacation and gained 4.2 pounds. I figured it was around 5-7 pounds, I could feel my pants getting tighter 🙂 I’m not too worried about it. I still have my eye on the prize and am ready to finish my weigh-loss journey.

My quote is sweet and simple. “Follow your heart.”

We must take off our southern plats and put them back into my closet until next time when we wear a different pair of heels…

Alexander McQueen Hot Pink Soles

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Today we walk in these flashy black pumps with hot pink soles as it was my favorite pair of  Alexander McQueen’s heels. He is known for creating some crazy unique heels for the runway, and I thought that was perfect since this blog is about mirrors.

“Mirror mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all…” True words spoken by the vain nature of one very evil step-mother. My question of the night for you is this…What do you see when you look in the mirror? If you look past all of the pretentious flaws that instantly capture your attention, are you happy with what you see? For so many years I hated looking at myself in the mirror. I kept tugging at my clothes because they didn’t fit how I wanted them to, I kept trying to push in my thunder thighs, or my muffin top hips. I couldn’t stand seeing how large I had become, so I started to avoid all types of mirrors. Not just the traditional mirror that shows your reflection, but cameras, video recorders, and my own personal mirrors…my family and friends.

I use to like this guy and I kind of dated him for a quick minute when I was on WW the first time. He was HOT 🙂 and I really liked him. We lost touch for a while and a couple of years later (when I gained back most of my weight), we met up at a bar. I could see the look on his face as if I were looking into a mirror and reflecting my own disappointed expression. He  quickly made up an excuse that he had to go and I knew exactly why. I had gained back a lot of weight and I wasn’t as attractive as I had been a couple of years ago. I can admit this humiliating fact to all of you because I have nothing to hide. I think we all have had a moment like that in our lives where we want to go run into a corner and hide because we are so ashamed of what or who we have become, but its those defining moments that push us to want more. All of those moments of embarrassment  humiliation, hurt, betrayal, sadness, those are all ingredients that make us dig deeper. This is a side note, but when I am on the treadmill and my legs just want to give up and I’m tired and don’t want to go another lap, I replay those humiliating moments in my mind and I keep going. Sometimes I even do an extra lap because my adrenaline is so pumped up. I chose to take the negatives in my life and utilize them to my advantage.

When I look in the mirror now I get so excited my cheek bones hurt from smiling so much. I turn every angel to see my altered physique and I just can’t believe how much my life has changed over the past year. I look at people’s expressions as they see me from week-to-week and their eyes widen, and they look so pleased to see my success. They are my own personal, unbiased human mirrors letting me know that my success with WW is surely not going unnoticed.

Today I had two more of my customers come up to me and tell me that they were thinking about joining WW because of my success with the program, and that is the best reflection of all. To see people ready to change their life all because you inspired them to look at themselves in the mirror and want to make a change for the better.

“For the past 33 years, I have looked into the mirror every morning and asked myself; ‘If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?’ And whenever the answer has been ‘No’ for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.” ~ Steve Jobs

I lost 1.2 pounds this week at WW, putting me at 70.4 pounds lost. I am so close to my 75 pound mark!!!! I can’t wait to hit that large mile stone and celebrate with all of you!

Time to take off our runway heels and look into the mirror at the person who we are today, remember who we once were, and look forward to the person that we will become in the future.

Gianmarco Lorenzi Dusted-Gold Stiletto

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Today on the one-year anniversary of my weight-loss journey we walk in these dazzling gold, five-inch stilettos designed exclusively by Gianmarco Lorenzi. I searched far & wide to find the perfect heel to commemorate this occasion.

I sat here trying to play back the past year of my life and how much I have changed as a person. But to be honest, the past year of my life is only the tip of the iceberg. When I joined Weight Watchers five years ago, I was an entirely different person than I am today. I was very vivacious, spirited, extremely confident, sometimes arrogant, stubborn, immature, and disorganized with my life. I started Weight Watchers for all of the wrong reasons, but mainly for the sake of vanity. I wanted to be prettier than I was. But that reason only took me so far…

Once I started to see how beautiful I was becoming, it was terrifying. I was gaining more attention than I was use to and I started partying a lot, spending a ton of money on my image (endless shopping trips with my credit cards). I went from having almost everything that I wanted to losing it all in a matter of seconds. I found a really good job that was going to enable me to start a fantastic future for myself and the day that the corporate heads came in and said they were closing the office, my hopes & dreams walked out of the icy-cold office along with them. My income was cut in half, I had credit cards, student loans, and other bills that weren’t so understanding. The glitz and glamour of my life turned into fear, uncertainty, chaos, depression and lots of grey skies hovering over me. I had to learn a lot of lessons the hard way. There were moments that I couldn’t get out of bed because I was so lost in my world. Food became my salvation. I would eat to fill the sadness, I would eat to be happy again, I would eat to fill my void of shopping. And before I knew it, all of my hard work and progress towards weight-loss had vanished. I had gained back ALL of my weight and then twenty pounds. This caused me to hate myself even more than I already did.

This dark period of my life is very hard to relive, but it changed me forever. I had a harsh dose of reality in those few years and it humbled me greatly. I found my faith in God as He stood by me every step of the way. Sometimes I would pray to Him with tears in my eyes and beg Him to not give up on me. He became my salvation and saved me. I truly believe that I had to travel down that path to learn from my mistakes. To learn how to persevere and come out stronger than I was. He needed me to go through those life changes so that I could sit here today and inspire others to look into the mirror and find things they too want to improve. This is my purpose in life ~ to help other people better themselves ~ and I would have never known that had I not gone to hell and back.

People can underestimate me, judge me quickly, or think they know what my life is about, and I let them. The only people who truly know my story & my feelings are God, myself and my close family. That is why I chose to write this blog. To give more insight on the struggles of bettering your life and fighting against the people who try to hinder your success. I have found that those people are merely jealous of what you have accomplished. They are unhappy with parts of their life and they see all of these positive changes happening to you and they don’t know how to deal with their bitterness. I truly do pray for those people and hope that one day they can find the positive change in their lives.

This past year on Weight Watchers has been the most rewarding year I could have wished for. I have met some amazing people along the way who have inspired me to continue on with my success and who challenge me to look at things in a different perspective than I normally would. I have gained more confidence in myself and my choices that I make. I feel healthier, stronger, more alive than I have in a very long time. And my soul is finally at a peaceful state. I feel well balanced in my life and every day I grow stronger as a person. It’s amazing what eating healthy can do for your body, mind, spirit & heart.

As I have blogged, self-improving isn’t all sunshine and pretty flowers, it doesn’t come without difficulty. There’s still moments of frustration when everyone can eat fatty-delicious food and I can’t. Moments where I just want the weight to hurry up and come off already! Moments where I still doubt myself and wonder if I can really hit my goal weight. All of that doubt fades when I look into the mirror and see all of my hard work staring right back at me. When I go to the store and try on clothes that I never thought would fit again. When I see random people and people that I love praise me for how wonderful I am looking and ask me what my “secret” is. When I know that I have touched people’s lives enough for them to start WW as well. That is when doubt diminishes and inspiration conquers all.

We have walked in many stilettos since I started this blog and I hope that each shoe was as memorable to you as it was for me. They say that girls have an uncanny way of remembering each shoe they own for all of the nights they danced in them and the memories that came along with it. I think that’s very true because I can look at each heel in my closet of shoes and remember nights out with the girls, guys that I met in those shoes, times where I wanted to break the heels off of a particular shoe because they killed my feet, moments where I kissed a guy and my leg popped up in the air. I hope that each of my digital shoes have touched all of you in some memorable way. I hope that when you read my blogs that you understand the level of honesty and genuine feeling that comes with each entry. And I hope that you continue to walk along this journey with me while wearing fabulous heels. I have been horrible about writing a blog entry each week, but that will end today!

I want to thank all of my supporters who believe in me and bring so much positive energy into my life. I have lost 69.2 pounds in one year. I have lost the size of a small child off of my body! I am only half way through my weight-loss journey, and I already feel like I have won this battle. I have lost several inches off of my body, I am down 4 pant sizes, 5 shirt sizes and 5 dress sizes. Never underestimate a girl with a passion for shoes!

Weight Watchers posted the best quote ever & I thought it was absolutely perfect for my one year anniversary on WW ~ “Nothing is impossible, the word itself says ‘I’m Possible.'” ~ Powerful words spoken by Favorite Hollywood Glam Girl …Audrey Hepburn

Time to once again take off our Italian Couture heels and place them back into my closet. I will post another blog on Tuesday so stay tuned!

Lauren Conrad’s Nude Platform Heel

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Today we walk in these five inch, round-toed heels because if I have to walk down the aisle wearing these shoes, you have to suffer through it with me!

I really didn’t have a topic planned for this week’s blog until just now at 11:30pm. I never realized how much I have shielded myself from the world. When I was a little girl, my grandma use to protect me from everything. She had endured so much loss and tragedy in her life that she tried to protect all of us from ever getting hurt. She never really approved of anyone my uncles or mom dated, she always tried to pick out our outfits for the day, and would even chase me around the house trying to clean my face and hands because they were “dirty.” She was my protective barrier for much of my childhood. I know she meant well because she loved me so much that she wanted to save me from falling down and skinning my knee. But sometimes you have to fall down and skin your knee to understand that the concrete really does hurt. Pain is a great motivator. It reaches the center of our soul and stings so hard that sometimes we feel it for months, or even years. We learn quickly of the things or people that cause us pain, and we try to stay far away.

I’ve spent twenty-nine years of my life being afraid. In elementary I was always afraid of the teacher sending me to the principle’s office, so I sat in my desk like a good little girl and always obeyed. In junior high I was always afraid of getting a detention for being late to class, so I would plan ahead and grab this huge stack of books and carry them around so I would never be late. In high school I was afraid of going off campus for lunch because we could get in BIG trouble. In college I was afraid to ditch class to catch a fashion show up the street. I have ALWAYS played by the rules in everything that I have ever done. I spend my days stressing at work over all of the possible scenarios that could get me fired, and at this place there are a lot! So I ask myself…why do I live in fear? Why do I spend this beautiful life that was given to me stressing about everything? The answer: I am my grandmother’s daughter. She worried all the time about any and everything. And although I have a lot of her amazing characteristics – sweet. compassionate, kind, loving, nurturing, smart, strong, adores cats, I also contracted the “worry wart syndrome.”

I seem to get emotional with almost every blog that I write, and it’s because I am revealing to you the most vulnerable facets of my life. Not only am I looking in the mirror and revealing my flaws, weaknesses, challenges, hopes, dreams, aspirations to myself, but I am sharing them with the world. I am sharing them with friends and family who read this blog, and also complete strangers that I have never met before.

As I look inside to truly understand why I am so afraid to live life the only answer that I can find is I never feel like I am good enough. There have been so many times that later on a guy will tell me that he liked me, and I’m like “what!!” ~ he would be so amazingly hot and someone that I never thought that I had a chance with. Or pretty much every time that I have an interview I think that I didn’t get the job because I wasn’t good enough. I beat myself up constantly over mistakes that I make and I find that it’s entirely too easy to talk down to myself.

People always compliment me on how calm I am, or how positive and happy I am. I guess it’s just easier to have people believe that I am truly happy and positive, because who wants to be around someone who is afraid to live! Don’t get me wrong, I am very happy in many aspects of my life, but the fear also plays a heavy burden. As I said in a previous blog, I wanted this year to be about bold moves and taking chances on myself. I meant it. I am pushing myself to escape my comfort zone and to experience new things. I am pushing myself to get my writing out there and to find a career in something that I am so very passionate about. I can spend hours on my computer writing and still love it with my entire soul. I want to grow my writing talents and take them far beyond my wildest dreams. I’m trying to push my fear of failure and not being good enough aside.

I also have a fear of being beautiful. I know this may sound utterly crazy to most sane people, but it terrifies me to hit my goal weight. I have never been at an ideal weight in my entire life. I have always been a bigger girl, and as each pound comes off, my security blanket becomes thinner. I love everything about the journey that I am on, but there is still that small voice that haunts me. That voice is the fear of reaching my goal and showing the world how beautiful I truly am. Why we fear success is far beyond me.

This is my conclusion that I have come to while writing this blog ~ I am ready for success, I am ready to be happy with myself, I am ready to change my life. Now the question is…will that fear stop me from succeeding? I guess we will see in the months to come…

I chose these particular shoes because they are the same pair that I will wear at my cousin’s wedding in Alabama. Talk about pushing myself out of my comfort zone! I am traveling by myself to a state that I have never been to. This will be an interesting journey in itself, but it is a new experience. Let’s hope that I don’t break my neck dancing in these shoes!

This is the first quote that I read on fear and it was exactly what I was looking for. “Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears.” ~ Les Brown

I lost 1.6 pounds this week and down 65.4 all together! Less than 10 pounds away from 75 down! Tonight when the leader announced my total pounds down, the whole room gasped and they clapped with lots of enthusiasm. It’s the rewarding moments like these that kick fear right in the a$$!

Time for you to take off my bridesmaids shoes and neatly place them back into my closet, until next time.

Simply Vera Wang Metal Snake Skin Plats

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Today we walk a mile in these sexy platforms sacrificing our feet for the sake of beauty.

Sometimes we need reminders as to why we sacrifice for a better cause. Gandhi went on a hunger strike to protest the British rule of India, sacrificing his desire and need for food to prove a point. Police officers, military & fire fighters sacrifice their lives every day to help save & protect us from evil forces. Doctors sacrifice their time by spending ungodly hours in the ER saving lives, instead of enjoying dinnertime with their family. I can’t say that I have done any of these amazing things that I just listed, but I have sacrificed a great deal to achieve the goals that I have accomplished this far.

I don’t think anyone can truly understand what it is like to battle weight all of your life, unless you have walked in our shoes. To watch all of your friends down a Big Mac, extra large french fries and a huge soda and still be hungry. What makes this even worse is they weigh all of 120 pounds! What I wouldn’t give to be able to do that! However, I was not blessed with that kind of body, so here I am. Writing this blog to you about my journey through self-improving and hoping to inspire others to do the same.

I looked up the word sacrifice to see how it applied to my life. It says that you surrender something prized or desirable for the sake of something considered of having a higher or more pressing claim. Hmm, candy bars or protein bars? A Venti Starbucks Frappy or a Slimfast shake? A bowl of ice cream or a bowl of fresh fruit? A huge plate of lasagna or a small serving of chicken with veggies? This is how my mind works every second of every day. I play the good vs. evil card every time I make a choice as to what I am going to eat.

I posted a blog last week expressing my difficulties and that I was feeling unmotivated. I needed a reminder to solidify these constant food sacrifices that I make daily. I was fortunate enough to receive two reminders this week! The first one was looking through my digital camera and seeing pictures of myself about three years ago. I was HUGE! My face was so big that when I smiled, you could barely see my eyes. I just couldn’t believe what I saw when I thumbed through those pics. I kept asking myself ~ “Is that really me?” I was in sheer denial for a few seconds because I don’t look like that girl staring back at me. I didn’t recognize who she was. As the pounds shed, for some reason, you start to lose sight of who you use to be, or how you use to feel. I can’t remember what it was like to weigh 63.8 pounds more. I can’t remember what it was like to have the size of a child glued onto my thighs, hips, stomach, arms, face. As the pounds diminish, you gain confidence and your mind doesn’t let you travel back to those dreaded days. You just keep moving forward and visualizing what you will look like that one day you finally hit your goal weight. When I speed walk a mile on the treadmill every day, I close my eyes and I can see the girl that I am so excited to become. That is the vision that keeps me going on this journey.

The second reminder that I received this week was last night at my WW meeting. Our leader had us hold the five pound plastic model replicating a blob of weight. It looks disgusting, but when I held that in my hands and actually got to feel how much five pounds really is, I said to myself ~ “Holy cow I lost twelve of these!” Feeling that fake fat in my hands made me realize that the food sacrifices that I make every day are so WORTH it! Getting up early to do the treadmill and working myself up to a sweat pushes me to want it that much more. Visualizing myself after I lose another 60 pounds is way better than a precious cupcake.

I lost 2 pounds this week making my grand total 63.8 pounds! I am really pushing to hit my 75 pound mark. It hasn’t quite happened as quickly as I would have liked, but hey it’s not a race! My body will hit that goal when it is ready and I am not going to push it. I already feel fabulous as it is, so anything beyond this point is a bonus for me. If you want to walk in a pair of sexy shoes, you contact me and I will show you how to change your life!

My quote is short and simple. “My life is my message.” ~ Gandhi

That quote sums up exactly how I feel about my own life. I want my friends, family, co-workers, acquaintances future husband and children to see all that I sacrificed to inspire others, to become a better person and to put myself first when it comes to a healthy life-style.

Time to slip these Vera Wang plats off ~ If you love them so much that you must order them. They are at Kohl’s for $28.97!